it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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