i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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