I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
