Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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