I like my sex mixed with concussions.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
