Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
