So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
