The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
