you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
