the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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