This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
