The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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