piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
