Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
