I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
