And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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