my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
