I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
