he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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