how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
