a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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