Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
