I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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