I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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