Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
