you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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