I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
