FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
