whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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