I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
