I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
