Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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