Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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