she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
