that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
