Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
worst night to have a conscience
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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