why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
