took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
