THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
