Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
