Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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