I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
