my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
