she woke up with a sticky ear
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
