I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
