I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
