i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
