we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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