I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
