hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
