matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
