apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
