happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
