me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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