$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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